The Dear Leader

All hail Ingvar Kamprad, the Dear Leader!

2007-05-24T10:26:00.000-07:00

Another insprirational message from the Dear Leader:

2005-10-05T11:27:00.000-07:00

Today's key word is humility; The Dear Leader says, "Will and strength without humility often leads to conflict. Together with humility, will and strength are your secret weapons [wunderwaffen.] in the development of yourself as an individual and fellow-being."

Work happily in you mundane tasks, always with a smile for your Dear Leader and the tasks he assigns you, even if they are the same dreary tasks over and over again. Some fellow-beings sap our resources, some fellow-beings are time thieves, stealing the company's will and strength through tardiness. Our Dear Leader wants us to bear in mind that our "glorious fate" can only be achieved by bearing in mind that, "time is your most important asset. You can do much in 10 minutes. 10 minutes are not only the hourly wage divided by 6."

Indeed, what is an hourly wage but a waste of resources? A job should not be just a meal ticket, the porage you eat in our staff cafe is all you need to maintain your body. Your will and strength with humility will get you through. If one of our minions of conformity, fellow-beings, is but 10 minutes late, these "10 minutes gone are irretrievably lost. You can never get them back." Nor can the company.

Violators of this very black and white rule will be terminated for the benefit of the majority. Our Dear Leader feels sorry for those who cannot come along with us on our glorious journey to profits and evolution. Our "glorious future" must be led by us growing to be "constructive fanatics," not wage crybabies. The Dear leader says, "Happiness is not to reach one's goal but to be on the way." If your goal is to make a decent wage, if your ambition is to pay the rent only, then you are a drag on all evolution.

The Dear Leader insists on "being cost-conscience almost to the point of stinginess," and he feels sorry for those who cannot make the heroic efforts of the many, for those who cannot share our "enthusiasm and responsibility, " our humility "before the task" and the "simplicity of our behavior."

The next message from our Dear Leader will be on "the uncomplicated, quiet and open minded
people," who "do their duty and assume their responsibility without being noticed," or complaining about low wages.

Special message from the Steering Committee [The gang of 8]:

2005-09-22T11:25:00.000-07:00

Attendance at rally is mandatory. Snacks will be served. Attendance at rally is mandatory. Snacks will be served. Attendance at rally is mandatory. Snacks will be served. Attendance at rally is mandatory. Snacks will be served. Attendance at rally is mandatory. Snacks will be served. Attendance at rally is mandatory. Snacks will be served. Attendance at rally is mandatory. Snacks will be served. Attendance at rally is mandatory. Snacks will be served. Attendance at rally is mandatory. Snacks will be served. Attendance at rally is mandatory. Snacks will be served. Attendance at rally is mandatory. Snacks will be served. Attendance at rally is mandatory. Snacks will be served. Attendance at rally is mandatory. Snacks will be served. Attendance at rally is mandatory. Snacks will be served. Attendance at rally is mandatory. Snacks will be served.

Thank You.

Page 185: Our Dear Leader on Concentration:

Our Dear Leader writes that, "The general who splits up his forces inevitably fails." Therefore the Dear Leader urges us to Concentrate "around our own profile." "WE cannot conquer all markets at the same time. Energy Concentration means that WE, at important stages, have to relax our demands on other things, which are in themselves quite important---security systems, for example. This is why WE have to make extra high demands on our staff's honesty and loyalty. Concentration of energy. The phrase itself implies strength. [Kraft.] Use it in your daily work. It will give results."

On security systems and the LP [Leader Police] department:

The LP department is there to protect our assets. Follow their instructions. Bag searches are for your own good! They protect resources! Don't talk to LP unless spoken to first. A constant smile encourages concentration of happiness. The LP department urges you to smile at all times while in uniform. Smile! Your on LP cameras!

Today’s menu:

Today's menu is the same as yesterday's menu. The Dear Leader believes in Concentration of a narrow food profile. For $2 you have the choice of meatballs or Chicken Marsala. The Leader prefers meatballs. Try our famous meatballs with lingenbarries. What are lingenbarries? Go find out at our staff cafeteria.

Message from our Store Manager:

Our Store Manager, Anandiana, urges you to reflect on the greatness of our Dear Leader by concentrating on making sure all uniform shirts are tucked in at all times. A crisp, clean appearance and a happy smile will encourage a friendly shopping experience for our customers.

End of message.

2005-09-21T10:47:00.000-07:00

Our Dear Leader has created a brilliant concept, which some might call a Weltenschauung, that enshrines the notion of creating a better everyday life for the majority of people: Our Dear Leader says, "Once and for all we have decided to side with the many. It is a question of freedom with responsibility and we demand much of ourselves."

First and foremost, Our Dear leader demands much of you, the employee, on your responsibilities to the Reich...I mean, corporation, and your duties to the body of the corporation. "It is not always easy to give life and warmth to some of our more mundane daily tasks. (Like building rockets in cold caves.)" But, "without enthusiasm for your work [Arbeit Macht Frei.], one third of your life goes down the drain and can never be regained." Keep that in mind, you know, he's right.

Along those lines, "we in no way take up a position on questions of equalization of wages." After all, our low prices (To serve the majority of people, we must always maintain an extremely low price profile!) and product range is designed to get away from "status and conventions" and make us "freer and more at ease as human beings." A low wage profile leads to more resources and profit.

Profit is a wonderful word!

Wages distract from a better everyday life for the majority of people, they get in the way of our objective, which is, "we must have resources---not least in the financial area!" Some might call it financial Lebensraum. "Profit gives us Resources!"

"Let us take the drama out of the word profit. Politicians [Like the November criminals.] often use and abuse this word. All government subsidies come about by means of state profit on some activity or by means of taxes in some from which you and I pay. Let us rely on ourselves when it comes to creating the financial resources."

Our Dear Leader believes that Unions wipe out the individual in "the gray gloominess of collective agreements." "It was easier to keep alive in earlier times when we weren’t so many," when our blood was pure, when iron ruled. [Blut Und Isen.]

Our Dear Leader says, "A job must never be just a meal ticket." The body of the nation, or the corporation, must not be weakened. We must have willingness to "to assume responsibility and to help, on our humility before the task and on the simplicity of our behavior."

We feel sorry for those of you who are working only for food. One must give ones soul to the great project.

Next week's subject:

Waste of resources is a mortal sin!